Life is Not Fair!
by Luinwen-2013
Summary: One-shot based on several hurt/comfort fics that find fun in hurting my beloved beardless dwarf. Obviously, I love those fics, else I'd not write this one! Placed some years prior to the Quest. Enjoy and review!


The Durin brothers sat idly at their favorite spot of the river bank, a flat stone from where they could fish, jump into the river to swim, or just lay on their backs and watch the clouds dance under the whims of the wind. It was a perfect day off, until the younger one began to philosophize.

"You know, Fíli, life is not fair."

"None ever said it was, little brother."

"No, really! Life is not fair _to me_. Of all people we know, the one life is _unfairer_ is me."

Fíli uplifted his eyebrows, curious on where that line of thinking would lead to.

"Tell it to Bifur, he'll sign you how fair it is to live with an orc axe stuck in your skull."

"Nah, it is not the same. Bifur had that accident once, and that was all."

"Lifelong sequels mean nothing, uh?"

"I'm not saying _this_, what I mean is…" Kíli threw a pebble into the water, frustrated. "Life is not fair to me."

Fíli leant back on the flat stone, pillowing his head with his crossed arms.

"Then tell me, oh wise one, how the life of a Longbeard prince is unfair."

Kíli threw another stone.

"Everything wrong always happens to me. This is undeniable."

"Everything like what?"

"Like… Accidents. Whenever there's an accident, who's the victim?"

"Come on, I got a stone crunching my leg, once."

"Once. Just once. While I got a broken arm…"

"I told you not to climb that tree."

"Two concussions, one of which made me blind for a while…"

"I told you not to enter that tunnel."

"… almost drowned thrice, had a lung pierced by an arrow…"

"That was an accident!"

"See? That's what I mean. The accidents happen to _me_!"

Fíli sat up again and put a reassuring arm around Kíli's shoulder.

"Hey, calm down, will you? It must be because you're so reckless, that's all."

The brunet pouted.

"It doesn't explain the rest."

"Which rest?"

"Kidnapping, for example. Who, of us both, has been kidnapped?"

"Erm, you." Fíli conceded.

"Four times." The unresigned dwarf counted on his fingers. "One of which left me a bowel disease that took me weeks to recover. In another one the orcs hurt me so bad Uncle and Mom had to burn my wounds to avoid infection."

"I remember, Kíli. You know we all feel so much for having taken all that time to rescue you, and for what had to be done afterwards. I understand you still have a trauma from it."

The younger Durin lad shook his head as if to whisk away the bad memory.

"I don't blame any of you, you know. But still, it was _me _the kidnapped one. Again."

"Erm, maybe you are too distracted and gets more easily kidnapped than, say, other people?"  
"It doesn't explain the music preceptor case, does it?"

Fíli frowned and agreed.

"Right, it doesn't."

"And other things, too. Like, who got pneumonia?"

"You."

"The bullied one?"

"You."

"Sank into an icy lake through thin ice?"  
"Again, you."

"Stone spider attack?"

"You, you, you!" Fíli threw his hands to the air, exasperated. "Kíli, what do you want to prove with this?"

"That life is not fair."

The older brother heaved a sigh and tried to find something to comfort his unlucky brother.

"There must be an explanation for all this, Kíli."

"There is. The explanation is that life is not fair."

"Besides this. See, you were born early…"

"Another unfairness."

"… which may explain why you are more prone to get sick. It is just that you are more, erm, delicately built."  
Predictably, Kíli whacked his brother, annoyed.

"Delicate is you nose!"

"I'll take it as an offense!"

"Just as it should."

The blond got silent for a while, slowly filling his pipe with a fresh weed just arrived from the Shire. Striking a match to lighten it, still found room in his turbulent mind to think why such novelty was not adopted universally by his people, most of them preferring to use flint and steel fire-making kits, even when they were bothersome to use to lighten a pipe. Right, to other things they were also more reliable, as matches got useless when wet. Puffing a ring of smoke, he turned back to his brother.

"Perhaps it is because of some great destiny of yours. Haven't you heard that the Maker prepares those who are born to be great? That hardships are the fire of His forge to make you stronger?"

Kíli hugged his own knees and mumbled.

"I don't want to be strong, I want to be happy."

It was Fíli's turn to whack his brother.

"Come one, little brother, you can claim to be unlucky, but not unhappy!"

Massaging his neck where his brother hit him with more force than needed, Kíli reconsidered.

"You are right. Life is not fair, but I have a fair share of joy. Mom is fabulous, Thorin is the best uncle one could wish for, we have both Balin and Dwalin as preceptors, our halls here in the Blue Mountains strive and we are princes! As I am the spare, I don't have to worry so much about the responsibilities of royalty as you and…"

"Don't count on that, I intend to keep you busy as a bee when the time comes!"

"Nah, it is still very far away. And when you are king, we'll probably have retaken Erebor and everything will be wonderful!"

Smiling at his little brother's good mood, Fíli added, just to state his confidence that everything would be all right.

"See? Life is fair, after all."

Right this moment the howls of a large pack of wolves became audible at a shorter distance than they deemed comfortable and both dwarves stood up, alarmed. A flock of birds left the woods to their left and flew over them, more afraid of the wolves than from the upcoming evening.

One of the birds left a dropping fall on Kíli's shoulder.

"You see? _Life is not fair_!"

Grabbing their things to flee from the stone by the river, Fíli still found time to answer over his shoulder.

"It could have been worse, at least it didn't fall on your hair! Now, run!"


End file.
